A Do-over Please...

We have had a few rays of hope that spring will actually come back to us... Days where the sun shines and warms the air enough to sneak into our back yard or a park for a few hours. A few weeks ago we had one of those afternoons and I had the common sense to grab my camera as we raced outside to get in as much fresh air as we could. I didn't even look at any of the photos until tonight. I found myself smiling and proud of the young people these five joys are becoming... And tearful because of how old they all appear. It's not an optical illusion or trick. They are old. Will is 8. Riley is 6. Emery is 5. Hadley and Ainsley are 2. 

Today was one of those days that seemed to drag on... and then tonight the Lord gifted me with the reminder of these faces. Time isn't dragging on. It is flying. Flying by.  Earlier today, in the midst of winter coats and endless energy I would have wished winter away. I would have skipped the next two months. Tonight? I would go back to October when it began to get cold and start again. I would take a do-over if I could. All the more time with these precious faces.

Hadley and Will

Ainsley

Advent

I feel that by the time November hits, the next 2 months just fly by, so Blake and I sat down last night and came up with our advent list. We have always thrown one together last minute, but wanted to be really organized and do it well this year since our eldest are reaching an age where we are making memories... My Pottery Barn Kids advent calendar got eaten by a mouse - literally - so this year we are going to try a DIY! This is my favorite idea:

The Ring Families Advent List:

1. Decorate Christmas Tree

2. Put Up Outdoor Christmas lights

3. Make Popsicle Stick Star Ornaments

4. Christmas Themed Candy

5. Go See Nutcracker In A Nutshell

6. Make An Edible Christmas Tree

7. Take Money To A Salvation Army Coin Collector

8. Christmas Themed Candy

9. Christmas Pizza for dinner

10. Hang our stockings

11. Make Christmas Cookies

12. Make Cinnamon Dough Ornaments

13. Read Christmas Books With Fire And Hot Chocolate

14. Christmas Themed Candy

15. Start Advent Candles

16. Lunch/Dinner At Old Spaghetti Factory With Carriage Ride

17. S'mores

18. Christmas Movie Night - Popcorn / Hot Chocolate

19. Homemade Christmas Cards For BFG teachers / Neighbors

20. Bake For BFG Teachers / Neighbors

21. Christmas Themed Candy

22. Look At Christmas Lights With Hot Chocolate

23. Make Happy Birthday Jesus Cake

24. Collect 1 Toy A Piece To Donate

*These gifts/activities are not yet organized by date. I hope to have everything organized and purchased for before December so I can hang everything up ready to go!*

4 Things I've learned In My First Year of Parenting Twins...

I have been trying to come up with a way to describe our first year with the twins... There is so much I want to share. So much to remember. This time last year, I really thought this year would have been consumed with Hadley and Ainsley... But, in a way, this year has been about me. The Lord has been molding and shaping... It's been painful, but joyful all at the same time.

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1. I have learned that there are friends that will give, even when you can not give in return. This past year... Really, a year and a half, have overwhelmed our family. It's taken longer then I expected for our life to feel manageable. It started a few months into the girls pregnancy  as we lived a life where I could seldom leave the house and could not do anything to take care of my family. I had good friends  that would show up at night to sit with me and provide female companionship. They would come bearing the gift of my most recent pregnancy craving without me even making the request. They helped Blake manage the children at church while I lay at home on the couch... I literally could not do anything for them beyond pray. For a year it has taken everything in us to simply care for our family.... To spend adequate time with our individual children. To load the dishwasher or put up the folded clothes. These friends still showed up at night... They cared for their children all day, put  them to bed, and then came and walked the floor with mine. They understood that life was all we could manage... These ladies requested nothing from me. I was a terrible friend, but even knowing that, I knew that I could do nothing differently. I was called to be a wife and mother first and that has been all I have been able to poorly manage this past year. And yet they still call, text, write notes, ask me to sneak in a lunch... They are a gift... A blessing I hope to somehow repay one day.

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2. I have learned that almost everything can wait. You should have seen my kitchen last week. For like most of the week. Dishes in the sink. School stacked on the counter. You would have thought that I would have rushed to clean after our 2 teething babies went to bed. If I'm being perfectly honest, that is what I wanted to do. But instead, I watched Babar with my big kids. I could speed through the grocery store in an hour, but I'm learning that the extra hour it takes if I take Riley with me is worth far more. I think when you literally don't have time for it all, when you have to truly prioritize... I realized that grilled cheese and tomato soup is a compromise I can make to spend nap time making q-tip paintings with Will, Riley, and Emery. They would rather have that to eat then my healthy chicken and asparagus anyway. Pause. Slow down. Sit a little longer. Listen a little more attentively.

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3. I have learned to give people the benefit of the doubt. I like to be on time. Ok. I like to be early. And I am organized. At least I always thought I was... And then life changed. Sometimes I just assumed that the excuses were just a line. Then life changed. When someone tells you that they are late because their baby had a blow out diaper as they were walking out the door... Take it from me! It happens! When someone tells you they forgot it was their week to bring breakfast to BFG - even though they wrote it down on, oh, I don't know, maybe 2 calendars? - it happens! Things happen people! There were days my hormones were crazy, and therefore I said crazy things... I didn't mean them. I basically couldn't control them. I now thoroughly understand what pregnancy hormones and lack of sleep can cause a person to say. My feelings are not going to be hurt by the exhausted new mom that says she likes my hair long - after I cut it short. I've been there. I understand. Now the mom that says that with a well organized household and who is sleeping through the night? I probably wouldn't take it so well. :) But I am learning that simply assuming that someone is late simply because they slept in, isn't compassionate. We haven't been late this past year because we slept in. We haven't really slept. At. All. Things happen and I think the Lord has really used this past year to plant a compassion in my heart that was lacking before my life became total chaos.

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4. I have learned that if you live a life of gratefulness, life is more enjoyable. There have been some hard days these past 12 months. I'm gonna be honest. There have been more "hard" or "long" days then easy ones. In fact, our new "easy" is still kind of hard. But those "long" days? They have been good days. I was a very dis-content person for many years... And about 2 years ago the Lord began to really work on my heart in the area of gratitude. The timing of his plan is always so perfect, because had He not started this work several years go, this past year could have been... Well, I'm gonna be honest - it could have been almost miserable. We are talking about 2 babies and 5 kids 5 and under, people. But the Lord knew that! The Lord knew the season He was bringing our family into and graciously began to prepare my heart in advance. I had already begun to attempt to put into practice a life of gratitude. I don't do it well, I don't live it consistently enough, but on the days I do?... I am so thankful for the little bodies wearing the clothes I can't bear to complain about the laundry. When I am thinking rightly, I look at our first floor strewn with toys and praise God for giving me a house full of healthy children. When we have had to spend money above our grocery budget for the 12th month in a row, I find myself grateful for the way the Lord has provided for us to do that. It has been a long year, but it has been a good one. It has been a precious one. 

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The Lord certainly used this year to burn somethings onto my heart... I feel like this year - for me - has been a bit of a painful learning experience. The Lord has really brought a humility into my life that was lacking. In the past I almost prided myself on having things together. It's impossible to be that person this year. He took my ability to be the stable friend. He filled our life with wonderful things that have caused us to be late... So I'm putting 'pen to paper' so to speak - because I don't want to forget the things he has done for me this year.

A Hot Evening

There are some events you want to tuck away into your "memory bank"...  For me, this is one of them.

A few weeks ago we finally blew up the pool...

Ok. That's not totally true. 

Blake blew up the pool. With a pump.

(Could you imagine him actually blowing this thing up himself?)

Anyway...

We filled the pool with water and spent the evening outside.

Precious memories...

It doesn't matter how hot it is... Water straight out of the hose is COLD!

That cut is evidence of all the crawling and pulling up that is happening in our home. 

After I checked to be sure Hadley was really ok, I secretly thought, 

"Yeah! A quick way to tell them apart for a week!"

I know. It's really hard though!

For some reason he thought he was going to stay dry...

If you think those eyes are something, you should see her when she wants something...

I'd give her the world if I could. 

Hadley

Ainsley

 Sometimes I still glance at them and think, "There are two of them."

Some days it's in terror.

Some days it's in wonder that the Lord would bless me so...

On this night, it was the latter. 

Big Kid Day

A few weeks ago my sweet parents offered to keep the twins so we could do something fun with the older kiddos... So we decided on a day to the Newport Aquarium! The drive up was so relaxing... Lots of exciting conversation, and Blake and I even got to chat some.

Will calls his Daddy his best friend... The feeling is mutual. 

Will and Riley are best friends... I love it!

I thought we were going to have to tear them away from watching the sting ray sharks.

One of their favorite things to look at were the ugly, giant toads. 

The kids were braver then me... I didn't have any interest in petting a shark. 

All 3 had rubbed a back before we left, though!

I can not brag on these 3 kids enough... The way in which they have handled the past year has brought me to tears many times. They never complain. They are compassionate. They love their baby sisters passionately. I could not be more proud of them... What a joy to get to celebrate them on this fun day!

The Nitty-Gritty of Adoption

"Will wants to go down to Guatemala and find his other parents," Blake said.

"WHAT????"

Silence...

"What did you say?" I asked.

"I told him that when he was older we could go back to Guatemala to visit, but I don't know where they are."

Silence...

I was in tears at this point. I knew this day would come... I knew that one day he was going to be curious, to ask questions. I prayed that this day wouldn't come for many, many more years. Six years was not long enough to prepare to hear my baby boy call someone else his "mom".

"I don't want to talk about this right now," I whispered to Blake as I finished setting the table for dinner.  I called the kids to the kitchen and watched Will race Riley to the table... My little brown skinned, black haired boy and his fair skinned, light haired sister.

Part of the reason I don't want to talk about it is selfishness. I traveled to Guatemala to bring him home. I spent 6 long months longing to rock my baby boy to sleep. I am the one who knows that he loves chocolate milk, but would never drink white milk. But the main reason I don't want to talk about where he came from is that I worry about his sensitive, tender 6 year old heart... The twins pregnancy stirred the questions. He is such a smart little boy and so inquisitive... "Did I grow in your belly mommy?" "Do you remember the day I was born?"

Blake and I decided long ago that we were going to be sensitive and age-appropriately (is that a word) honest. I think that it makes it much less awkward for it to seem like a normal conversation. Our answers to these questions have varied... "God had you grow in another woman's belly and then mommy and daddy came to Guatemala to get you and bring you home." "The lady in Guatemala whose belly you grew in couldn't take care of you so she let Mommy and Daddy come and get you because we love you." "God wanted our family to have a little boy from Guatemala so he gave us you!" Nothing sounds perfect. Nothing sounds just right.

I felt like I was still reeling as we climbed into bed that night. My mind was leaping forward to arguments with Will as a teenager. Will he ask us every time we discipline him if it's because he was adopted? Will he struggle with self-worth because the man who gave him his DNA left before he was born? Will he ever try to run away to Guatemala when he is grounded?

This... This is the nitty-gritty of adoption. To me, the hard part is not the paperwork, or the waiting, or the unexpected delays. While overwhelming at times and disappointing in the moment, it will all be a distant memory a year after you bring that precious child home. They are the adoptive mother's labor pains - unbearable in the moment, but wiped from your mind such a short time later. To me, the dirty is not dealing with the aftermath of behavior issues. While it takes God given grace, I know that my DNA could have resulted in a child that responds just as passionately, as emotional as Will. I honestly just see him as "one of my kids" as we have dealt with his many, many issues over the years. To me, that is just parenting! All issues that have come up, would have, whether he was adopted or not.  Training behavior and modifying attitudes and spending 30 minutes at the table waiting for him to eat his corn because last night he liked it and tonight he doesn't - that is just doing what a parent does.

The nitty-gritty of adoption is answering the questions, "Whose belly did I grow in?" because he wants so badly to hear your memories of a pregnancy I simply did not have. The nitty-gritty is somehow telling him that you don't know how you could ever find the woman that holds the memories he craves. The nitty-gritty of adoption are those tearful conversations Blake and I share at night in the dark... Wondering how much to say and how to say it because Will is becoming increasingly more curious.

I want him to be confident in my love. I want him to be confident in himself. I want him to be confident in the Father's plan for his precious life. I want him to know that I don't pretend to know how he feels. I want him to know how special the lady that carried him found him - to choose life! These are not, "I don't play soccer as well as my sister," self-esteem issues. These are the kind of self-esteem issues that need Christ.

Adoption is hard. There is much to wade through and I'm not attempting to downplay a second of it. But as I think about how much I complained about in the beginning... How hard I thought it was. Well, I was wrong. I was selfish. I was so focused on the here and now and didn't pray enough about Will's future. My ability to see the big picture was clouded. Will has been home for 6 years on August 3, and we are just now getting to nitty-gritty. He is just now beginning to understand what it means that he was adopted. Six years and the hard part is just beginning... I pray for his heart - that Jesus will save it soon and that it will be enough. I pray for his soul - for peace and contentment.

I imagined that the hardest part of adoption was going to be the actual adoption - the paperwork and court date and trip to Guatemala. Little did I know then that the work was just beginning. Then, as we dealt with doctors and therapy and surgery... I imagined that this part was the hardest part. I was wrong again. So wrong. As long and as hard and as difficult as the last 6 years have been, I am most terrified of the next 20. But it's so worth it... The questions. The doubts. The nitty-gritty. Even that is joy for me, because it's about Will. With Will. For Will. But, I have it easy. I am confident in my love for him... confident that I would not change a thing about him. Confident that I am the lucky one.

Swimming Lessons

The kids started swimming lessons a few weeks ago... 

Will, Riley, and Emery have very little fear of the water so Blake and I were anxious for them to be able to swim. I walk in between the kids and any body of water  - and I am really not a fearful momma! 

They have the sweetest teacher. 

I am sure that when I requested private lessons for a 6, 4, and 3 year old it sounded like a full on group lesson, but she handles them wonderfully! 

And they are improving!

Will has very little fear! He jumps right in, though he has a ways to go before I feel as if I can blink when he is near the pool! :) My heart was not made to handle a 6 year old boy!

Riley has benefited the most from the lessons! She listens carefully and follows through with her teacher's instructions... She is greatly improving every week! With her long and lanky build I could see a swim team in her future...

Emery swam a ways on her own this past week! A great accomplishment! She is willing to work hard and wants to do everything her big brother and big sister are doing! I am so proud of her willing spirit and can't wait to see how well she is doing by the end of the summer! 

Blake and Lydia

Photo Courtesy of Caleb Drahosh

I know that you don't check the blog to hear about Blake and I, but like I said... In a way, this is my journal. 

This time in our life is by far, the busiest we have ever known. We get to the end of the day and seldom have energy to tackle our to do lists... But we know that this period of time will not last forever.

Blake is getting ready to teach a seminary class through a new Ministry Apprenticeship Program through SBTS. All of the students are members of Ninth and O so he is very excited to get to spend time with these guys this summer. Putting that PhD to good use! He is headed to Manhattan in June for his 4th mission trip to Gallery Church. We are actually finding a bit of time for Blake to partake in a hobby or two - He is running again and even played racquetball this past week! My favorite thing about this man? He has the ability to draw a smile from the twins simply by entering the room!

My days are... busy. :) With two babies to hold there is never a free second. When the babies are napping, I am cooking dinner, folding laundry, or sometimes I even squeeze in a shower! :) I have even ventured out with all 5 a few times recently... I am beginning to cook dinner beyond frozen pizza and spaghetti. We are enjoying entertaining again - Both Blake and I have missed having friends over. Household decorating tasks have been on hold for about a year :)... I am slowly marking things off of "To Do" list.

We are looking forward to summer... Looking forward to being able to do more with the kids now that the twins are a little older. We are truly savoring... even in the midst of the crazy. Savoring our children. Savoring our limited one on one time. Savoring this time in which the Lord is teaching us about reliance... on each other, on others... on Him! There are alot of things I won't miss that much about this time in our lives... But there is much I will. One is the ever constant reminder of my need for him. There is always a need, but I feel that at times the need is more before me... This is one of those times that my need for Him is ever before me.

What a joy it is to say that we are truly enjoying life and feeling so blessed...

Hadley and Ainsley

Hadley and Ainsley
Photo courtesy of Caleb Drahosh

The girls are 7 months old... Time is moving quickly. Too quickly. The days are long, but every day I feel as if I can't soak up enough time with them! They both long for their mommy most right now, and in the midst of my guilt that my time is so split between them, I find such joy in thinking about the beautiful friendship that is to come. 

Both girls can easily move from laying down to sitting up. Hadley was the first to master this trick. And just last week Ainsley began full on crawling first. Her 2 minute older sister joined her a few days later. Now Blake and I are obsessively checking the door to the basement - making sure to continually remind the big siblings to keep it closed. While there is more to think about, the contentment that has come with crawling is worth the effort!

Hadley and Ainsley are down to 5 bottles a day... They eat 3 simple meals that seldom consist of baby food. Once they got a taste of "real" food there was no going back. They can mush things like well cooked carrotts, peas, green beans, apples, pears, and peaches. They love banana, muffins, bread and puffs. Yogurt and cheese were favorites until we decided that they were spitting up after every serving so we have cut dairy for a few months, though I feel they will quickly outgrow the sensitivity. Both enjoy their sippy cups, though neither have been able to figure out how to use them on their own yet.

Blake and I haven't created good nappers and the girls are no exception. Their sleep schedule consists of a 30ish minute morning nap, 1.5 hours in the afternoon, and a 15-20 minute evening nap. They really are doing great at night, though! Normally about 8pm - 7am. Perhaps a trip in for both girls to pop a paci, which is just how it goes when you have paci sleepers. 

If their big siblings are in the room playing, the girls are often content to play for about 20 minutes. If one of us will sit on the floor with them they will play as well... If they are alone in a room, they do not play. They cry. :) Or now they are beginning to crawl to find us. It's getting tricky, because Hadley is beginning to understand when I walk into the room and pick up Ainsley - and vise-versa. It's getting tricky! We want so desperately to be equal and not hurt feelings... 

I wish I could bottle their personalities - where they are right now. Both Hadley and Ainsley smile... All. Of. The. Time. I'm not kidding! They smile more then any baby I have ever known. Both of them! When we walk into the room their entire face lights up just like in the picture above. It melts my heart and wipes my memory of how hard it has been to manage 2 babies. The girls are just really beginning to laugh. Their papa and Riley get the best giggles out of them. Recently Riley has even gotten Ainsley to "sing" and "dance" a bit. They are sweet. So sweet. They give kisses - all on their own! They are wet, open mouth kisses, but I LOVE them! Our entire family feels so blessed by the sweet presence of  Hadley and Ainsley.

Riley

Sweet Riley is almost 5! I can't believe she will be in kindergarten this fall...

Riley is constantly demonstrating such compassion - When one of the twins cries, she is swiftly clapping or dancing or singing or hugging... Anything to calm them. They adore her and light up when she walks into the room. It is so precious. 

When Riley is unkind, she actually tattles on herself! It hurts her heart. 

And curious! She is so curious! Question after question after question! About bugs and hair and cooking and  God. Her heart is very sensitive to spiritual things... She prays such precious prayers.

What an artistic girl she is. She paints, colors, glues, draws... Constantly. We have Riley originals hanging on our fridge, doors, windows. And man can she bust a move... Her dad claims it is inherited from him. :) If the dancing is from him, then I claim her love of singing original songs! She often writes and choreographs for us.... The twins are her biggest fans!

Another way she resembles her father, is her love of having her head rubbed! It has become a nightly routine for she and her dad. 

Riley is our calm. She is silly and lighthearted. And calm. And so very not me! :)

Emery the Sleepless

I've been struggling with this girl. She quit going to sleep at night so we have broken naps.

It's been hard! 

Lot's of crying and fussing and whining. 

It's been hard!

But I am loving the extra time I have been getting with her.

Normally, she would nap while the twins nap and they would all get up about the same time.
I have been trying to spend some quality time with sweet Emery during these quiet times. 

Stillness happens seldom in the house right now, so I feel like these moments have been a bit of a gift.

I know that out of the 3 eldest kids, Emery has had the biggest adjustment to life with the babes.

She got unseated after 3 full years of youngest child babying, but she is crossing the threshold from toddler to child. Not for one second has she acted like she wishes the twins weren't here. 

Emery is sweet. And sensitive. And silly. And spunkie. I love the little girl she is becoming. 

Oh, and she sleeps now. 

Still Thankful...

I hate to not be blogging much right now. I feel like the kids are growing so much...so quickly. And I want to remember every. single. moment. 

Mothering five kids is hectic. 

Wonderful. A dream come true. 

But busy. 

Will(5 yrs), Emery(3 yrs), Riley(4 yrs)

I can feel life beginning to become more managable... 

Big kids are back to normal.

Babies are letting us set them down some without screaming.

Parents are sleeping. 

Hadley, Ainsley

 I don't think it's harder then I thought it would be. 

I feel like I was realistically terrified of life with new born twins - 5 kids.

But - I can't believe I am already saying this - the girls are growing. 

When you're a baby, three months changes things. 

And far too quickly for this momma's heart!

These are the last babies our home will know and Blake and I are attempting to soak it all in as best we can!

Hadley, Ainsley

 2011 was a long last year of school for Blake.

2012 was exciting, but even more difficult for me then the year before(Blake argues for 2011). 

2013... It's going to be a good year. 

A year of slowing down and enjoying our children.

A year of firsts.

A year of family resolutions we work hard to fulfill.

Ainsley, Hadley

 Amazingly, blogging is on the list.

It's our memory book... our photo album. 

Our record of first steps and first loose teeth.

The overwhelmed feeling is fading and the excitement of what God has for our family is setting in.

The goodness of the Lord has clearly covered the Ring family and we feel the warmth of it's blanket still... Always. 

It's going to be a good year. 

Upcoming Blogs: 

Detailed family update

Will's birthday

A few recipes

Some home updates

Unseated

This beautiful girl turns 3 years old this month.  

 September is a big month for Emery.

 On top of it being her birthday month, it is also the month she loses her seat as the baby of the family.

She is not going to like it.

 Not one little bit.

As if I could ever stop being obsessed with that precious face, though.