"Making the decision to have a child - it's momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking outside your body."
Blake and I made an emergency room visit with Riley today... Another urinary tract infection. I knew it at 3am this morning after she had spent most of the night waking about every 30 minutes. When her fever spiked to 103.8 it became obvious that my precious baby was very sick.
"Nothing you do for children is ever wasted. They seem not to notice us, hovering, averting our eyes, and they seldom offer thanks, but what we do for them is never wasted."
I am so thankful that Blake was there today. There were nasal swabs, catheters, and blood tests... He held her precious, irreplacable 18 pounds as she was poked and prodded. I sat motionless in a chair and silently cried as I listened to her scream from pain and frustration.
"Bitter are the tears of a child: Sweeten them.
Deep are the thoughts of a child: Quiet them.
Sharp is the grief of a child: Take it from him.
Soft is the heart of a child: Do not harden it."
I have always thought of myself as being somewhat brave... I don't traditionally collapse in fear. I am seldom overwhelmed with thoughts of unknown. At least before I became a mother. Today I was given a tiny glimpse at a miniscule portion of God's heart. If I my grief for my daughter was great... God's was so much more then I could even comprehend. Even as her mother. What a precious Father. How deeply I needed him today.
"Family life is full of major and minor crises -- the ups and downs, success and failure -- and all kinds of characters. It is tied to places and events and histories. With all of these felt details, life etches itself into memory and personality. It's difficult to imagine anything more nourishing to the soul."
My son... my daughter... my unborn child. I could not imagine a single minute of my life without them. But even with this love that one can not begin to understand until you hold your child... God loves them so much more. So unselfishly. So purely. And for that I am greatful. They deserve a love so much more selfless then mine.
"What is a home without children?"