My World...

Rest

Do you see those shoes?... Yeah, I know there are 8 pairs in this picture. I mean the 3rd pair - The black pair. Those are my grandpa's shoes... Those were my grandpa's shoes.

He had a hip replacement yesterday that went fine and had been sent from recovery to a room... My mom received a phone call from my grandma yesterday afternoon that something had gone terribly wrong and he had passed away.

I loved seeing those shoes by our back door. It meant that someone was there that would take us for icecream. It meant someone was there that would order pizza. It meant someone was there to fix whatever was broken. It meant that grandpa had come to visit...

"My soul finds rest in God alone." Psalm 62:1 Now his beautiful, gracious, sacrifical soul is at rest.

PIGTAILS!

Riley does not have an abundance of hair, but there is finally enough to put into pigtails! (Using the tiniest rubberbands you could possibly imagine - Seriously, they are about as big as the tip of my pinkie!) I love girlie-girl things so this was a memorable mother-daughter moment! :)

An Afternoon At The Park

Musings...

I am not generally a worrier. I do not easily "freak out". I am not the mother that hand santizes everytime we leave a public area(though I wish I thought about it). I don't dwell on everything that could go wrong... But for some reason - from the very beginning of Emery's pregnancy I had a feeling that it was going to be a difficult pregnancy.

The first hospital visit for Emery's pregnancy - even at only 16 weeks along - did not come as a surprise to me. Neither did the second or the third or the fourth... The same goes for the almost weekly doctor visits throughout the final 24 weeks that I carried Emery in my stomach. I was prepared for weeks of bedrest. I was prepared for her to come early. It wasn't that I wasn't worried about her health. It wasn't that I didn't pray almost constantly for her well-being. It's hard to explain - I had a peace. I think that God just prepared me for the stress by helping me expect it. What I first thought might be just the obsessive musings of a mother became a blessing in disguise.

Today was Emery's 1 month check up - The pediatrician said that she is doing beautifully! She is up to 7 1/2 pounds! The past few months have been some of the longest of my life... But when I look at this beautiful face, I know that in an instant I would do it all again.

Adjusting To Our New Normal

I can hardly believe that it has been 4 weeks since Emery joined our family... Only 3 weeks since our family of 5 began living our "new normal"!

Emery has melted into our family so smoothly. Will and Riley actually LOVE their baby sister - That has made the last few weeks much easier. Em is an easy going baby girl. She generally sleeps pretty well at night. Not EVERY night, but most! :) She naps well during the day. She rides well in the car. She likes car rides so much that she often sleeps in her car seat at night. Whatever works right now - We can work on getting her in her cradle later on.

The children are adjusting beautifully... I was terrified of 3, but it has been easier for me then 2 actually. Granted I have yet to attempt to leave the home alone with all 3. :) Will loves to hold Emery and regularly asks "more baby". Riley love to sit by me while Emery eats her bottle and feed her baby a bottle. Blake is back in full swing at work. My iron finally reached a normal level this week... It has been a 4 week process with 10 iv iron transfusions and b12 shots. I see the dr on Monday and have what is hopefully my last iron transfusion and b12 shot. They took alot of blood this past week and are running more tests to determine the reason my iron dropped so much.

We are hoping to put our home back on the market soon - Our 1000 sq feet appears to close in on us sometimes. :)

Our new "normal" is slightly chaotic and hectic. We are tired alot. There is no free time. Always dirty clothes and dishes. We often have stubbed toes from the toys strewn all over the house... And yet we LOVE it! This is the perfect normal for us!

A Little Reflecting...

I have been incredibly blessed by my family and have yet to spend an entire day alone with all 3 children. My recovery from Riley's birth was horrendous and took 8 weeks before I even really began to feel better, so I think that my husband and parents are doing their best to see that this one goes a little more smoothly. So far so good...

The point though, is that Blake went to work this morning and I wouldn't let my mom come over... Some of the best hours of my life. I absolutely loved being alone with all 3 children! Granted, I have had no shower and now that Blake has come home I am pretty sore and tired... But I feel a little bit like Wonder Woman! :) I cleaned several rooms (we only have a few more then that) including mopping floors. I bathed all 3 children and all 3 were dressed when daddy got home. Lunches had been fixed, eaten, and put away. Laundry was going...

And now my precious husband has sent me to my room to steal away a few minutes.... I have no idea what I would do without my husband. I have no idea what I would do without my mom and dad... And I am so thankful to God that I don't even have to wonder.

2 Weeks + 1 Day

Emery is 15 days old today. As slow as the first week of her life passed(mainly because of our joint hospital stay), the second week has gone that quickly.

A few firsts...

1. Emery's first Sunday to church

2. Emery's first trip to the mall(there were several other mall trips in the same wk as anyone who knows me would expect)

3. Emery's first Saturday afternoon with Mimi and Papa(allowing Blake and I a date)

4. Emery's first visit to the pediatrician

5. Emery's first lunch out - Jason's Deli

6. Emery's first sporting event - Upward Soccer

a reminder

one of will's sunday school teachers emailed me this photo yesterday... i was amazed at the rush of emotions and thoughts that washed over me as i studied it.

1. my son is obviously going to be a LADIES MAN! :)
2. look at that head of gorgeous hair...
3. when did he become old enough to have friends?
4. i wish i knew what was going on in that brain on him.
5. i was so proud of the fact that he was proud of that picture they are working on.
6. i remember when almost everyone of the little faces in this photo was born - i remember when their mothers found out they were pregnant. i remember visiting many of them in the hospital. i remember their "first" sunday's at church... i wish i could tell my son the joy that surged through my body when i experiences all of these things - but what a different person i would be if i could. not necessarily a better person.

sarah groves is singing "he's always been faithful to me" right now... and i am thanking god for the teacher that took the time to email me this photo of my precious son... because i needed a reminder today of just how gracious god was when placing will's well-being in my hands.

Update and Favorite Pics

Well, there is not much time for blogging right now! :) But I do find our home pretty quiet this Friday afternoon. Blake, Riley, and Emery are all asleep. Will is playing in the family room while I watch from the couch. I don't think I have had this much silence since I was sitting in a hospital room alone. Surprisingly, I miss the noise a little bit.

Blake was able to be home all week - What a blessing! After Riley's birth, he was back at schoolwork within a day of our arrival home, but his semester interruption has allowed him to be our stability this week! He has been wonderfully supportive including being up with me for every feeding at night. Makes those 12 and then 3 and then 6 o clock feedings seem much more managable! :)

Will and Riley are adjusting beautifully! I think the most difficult thing for them both was Mommy being gone for 6 full days and Daddy being gone alot... So our arrival at home seems to have settled our children's spirits. Will adores his "ba-by" and wants to hold her or pat her all of the time! He keeps us busy and on guard all of the time, but we are blessed that he loves her. Riley is fine as long as she gets to sit next to us while we feed Emery. Both children have taken to waking up in the middle of the night, though. We are working hard to break that. I can't wait to see how close the 3 children will be!

Emery is doing beautifully! We visited the dr on Tuesday she was up to 5 lbs 8 oz's! What a blessing... 8 Days old, 4 wks premature and 1 oz from her birth weight! He gave me the alright to push the nursing and begin to pull back on the formula. She was given the ok and he said she looks great! Nights are going better then we could expect. Other then one difficult night, but she generally eats every 3 hours and easily goes back to bed after each feeding! Tremendous blessing! Emery still sleeps much of the day which is such a different experience from Riley(who never slept)!

And Mommy... as I am called over and over and over again! :) I received 3 IV iron treatments and B12 shots this week. My hemoglobin is up to 9 along with my platlet count... They keep asking me if I feel better, but I just smile and look at them and say "I just had a baby. Bad time to ask." The Lord blessed me by allowing me to have a natural delivery and not have to have a c-section! I could have been in much worse shape then I already was. I am loving being home with these kids. I am loving giving baths. I am loving changing diapers. I am loving feeding lunch... I missed those things the 4 weeks I spent on bedrest and in the hospital.

WE ARE HOME - Checked out yesterday at about 4pm after my 4th Iron transfusion and b12 shot. More to say, but no more time to say it! :)

Some highlights from this week...

Will and Riley's first view of their sister - or "baby" - through the window of the special cares nursery.

Emery's first trip to visit our hospital room... That little glow is her "glow worm" for jaundice.

Riley is in love with our "baby"! She cries everytime she walks in the room until you pick her up to look at Emery... They are going to be best friends!

Apparantly she is a little jealous now that she is not Daddy's ONLY girl... :) I guess her love for

her sister is more of a fascination.
Our family of 5... First photo.

Friday Update

Well, Im writing yet another update from my hospital bed. :(

My hemoglobin levels are still extremely low. They dropped yesterday to 5.5... Today they came up a little bit to 5.9, but the hemotologist is still not comfortable sending me home. The levels are too dangerous he said. I will have more IV iron today along with a B12 shot(apparantly I am missing alot of B12) and tomorrow will be the same - Whether I am released or not. I will continue therapy at the doctors office 3 times next week and every Monday for the following 4 weeks.

The good news... GREAT news... is it that Emery would have been released today had her mommy been able to go home! She put on 1 1/2 ounces in the last 24 hours! Can you believe that 30-35 cc's equals a full belly for her? Emery has been nursing for about 5 minutes and then taking somewhere around 25 cc's of formula. Her billirubin(sp?) count was the same last 2 days and barely down today, but neo-natologist was pleased that it hadn't gone up any further. They took her off of the phototherapy since we are here for another day to see if her eating picks up. If there is no improvement in the levels we will be sent home with a photo-therapy blanket for a day or two.

Blake spent much of yesterday and today at home with Will and Riley. Last night they even spent the night at the condo. This has been difficult for them(as you would expect) and we figured that getting them on some sort of schedule might help... Both children have had to be put to sleep last few nights due to hysteria when they are left and Will has taken to waking up several times a night and wanting to sleep in bed with either Mimi and Papa or Daddy... When that isn't allowed he has to be laid with until he goes back to sleep. I am taking comfort in the fact that at 2 1/2 and 1, neither children will have memory of the last few months.

Blake is precious... He is at my beck and call and willing to do whatever I ask of him. We both feel that the children need him there and Emery has needed me here(and now I need her here)... But I miss him. It was hard to have to be alone this morning when I heard that I am still in the danger zone and unable to go home to Will and Riley. But I am so greatful that I have no worries about the job he is doing as a father with my 2 kids at home! I am so blessed...

My parents are wonderful. They have kept the children whenever I have needed or just wanted Blake to be with me. They have made trips to the park, mall, and the really exhausting trips to the hospital so I can visit the kids. They have spent alot of time visiting with me at the hospital on those evenings Blake has been home with the kids... And of course, mom has provided help with diaper changings and bottle feedings! :)

Well, please continue to pray that Emery and I will be able to go home soon - tomorrow preferrably! And for Blake, the kids, and my parents... We are ALL exhausted and ready to begin working on what will be the new normal!

my life

Wednesday Update

Today has been tiring and confusing. We were given a dissapointing report on our timeline with Emery last night. Told not to expect to take her home until Sunday or Monday. I was looking good and told I would be discharged today.


Well, today there was a shift in both Emery and my updates. Emery has been able to control her body temperature and is in a small bed without a heat lamp. She is still sleeping with the "glow worm" for the jaundice, but her numbers are not rising. They even took her off of the IV and have her nursing a little and filling up with formula afterwards. Whatever it takes to get her home. Because she came so early it is taking my milk a little while to come in. She is now allowed to visit my room during feedings as well! She just spent about 2 hours in my room for some loving and feeding! It was heaven to this mother's heart... The neo-natologist said that as long as we can get her take the formula and continue to work on nursing, she thinks that maybe Friday they will be able to release her!



Now, our worry is that Emery will be released and I won't. My doctor came in this morning to check on me and I expected to be released after her visit. Instead she opened the door and closed it behind her and asked if I had been able to get out of bed... Surprised, I answered, "Yeah, I feel pretty good." She spent the next few minutes explaining that I was severly anemic(which they had been watching my entire pregnancy)... Unfortunately since my arrival in at hospital, my hemoglobin(sp?) had dropped to what they would consider a danger zone - worthy of hospitilization and a blood transfusion. I looked at Blake and I saw the shock on his face that I am sure was showing on mine.

We decided that she would send up a hemotologist and discuss whether we needed to do a blood transfusion or could attempt consecutive iron transfusions. The hemotologist ordered enough testing for 12 vials of blood and recommended I attempt 1 iron transfusion today. They will test my blood in the morning and if it has dropped any lower(it is at a 5 right now) they will recommend a blood transfusion. If it remains the same they will probably keep me another day for observation and another iron transfusion... and I will have to have several more that I will hopefully be able to do as an outpatient procedure. Both doctors were mystified that I could even walk a few steps without being out of breath or fainting... I have been walking back and forth to the nursery all day long and never even felt lightheaded.

Please continue to keep our family in your prayers. I am typing this alone in my hospital room because Blake is utterly exhausted and needed a night of sleep without nurses coming in and out. Will and Riley really needed some parent time as well so Blake spent much of the afternoon and all of the evening with them. He called me after putting them down and said he held Riley until she went to sleep and layed with Will until he fell asleep... I was so envious. But also blessed because I got to spend so much time with Emery this evening and hold her as she slept. Please continue to pray for Emery and her continued growth. It looks like she had put on an ounce since we began the feedings which is a huge praise. And of course that my hemoglobin levels will at not some down anymore. The iron transfusions will take a wk or two to show any great improvements, so as long as I can maintain where I am I believe they will allow me to go home soon.

It would be so wonderful if Emery and I could be home with Blake and the children by the weekend!