A Constant Reminder...

At Ninth and O's Thursday Morning Bible Study we have been working our way through Mary Kassian's study In My Father's House. It is really a fairly simple study as far as work and time, but the truths I have been reminded of while studying have been deep and meaningful and changing. This weeks was all about seeing God as our "Caring Father".

We talked about
1. The Father is Strong
2. The Father Protects
3. The Father has a Plan
4. The Father Brings Healing
5. The Father Generously Provides

As I read all of the verses this week we were bombarded with scripture that was just continually reminding us... reminding me, how much the father loves me. How well God takes care of me. How the Father's plan for me is good and perfect. And in our discussions during small groups I saw and listened to friends spill their hearts and talk about the way that they have seen all of this in different ways in their lives... And all I could think of was Will.

One of the questions discussed was "Have you felt peace in the midst of a difficult circumstance which you knew came from God?" I still find this topic very emotional to talk about... But not because the pain is so raw. It is emotional and brings me to tears to even think about because in the midst of my grief and anger and questioning this very characteristic of him, God chose to give me a constant reminder of what a generous, caring, loving God he is. I can't tell you that almost 2 years of infertility was easy. I can't tell you that I handled it gracefully. I can't tell you there weren't nights with tears and apologies that had to be made for being too sensitive. And while perhaps I wasn't filled with peace throughout the entire time, I just remember there being many days before I even saw Will's precious face that my peace was the thought that God has given me a heart for adoption. God had given me a love for a child in another country that would never have my DNA.

Will is my constant reminder of how good my God is. He gave me a love for that boy that is equal to the love he gave me for my daughters that I carried in my womb. Will is my constant reminder of how strong God is. International adoption is such a risky and unsure process and he just carried ours through about as quickly as possible. Will is my constant reminder of how loving my God is. My son loves unconditionally. He loves deep. He loves passionately. And when I think of how much my son loves me, I am reminded how much more my God loves me.

I struggle in so many area's but I honestly question very seldom how caring and loving God is. I might sinfully question his abilities or his ways, but I truly believe without waiver that God is good. I have seen his grace in the life of my son - providing him a home and a family and the ability to succeed. And I have seen his grace in my life - in giving him to me.

I learned alot through those long months of infertility... But the most life-changing thing was this - God passionately cares about me. My greatest reminder of that? This little boy...