It's All Grace...

"Your life looks really attractive to other people," she said.
I paused before responding.
"What do you mean?" I said.
"You make your life look really attractive on your blog - And it's not a bad thing."

I dwelled on that conversation for a few weeks. Was I being deceitful? Am I lying? If I don't document all the bad days am I not being vulnerable?

You know the answer I finally decided on?...

Grace...

My life is exhausting. 5 kids age 6 and under is a lot... Overwhelming at times. Ok, a lot of the time.

But that's ok. I have always, always wanted children. And The Lord has given them to me. It is busy and hectic, but it is my dream. Who am I to complain about living my dream of being a mother?

Grace...

And my marriage isn't perfect... I love Blake. He loves me. We love the Lord together. But we are selfish sinners which doesn't make for a perfect marriage. But my parents have prayed for this man since the day I was born... I prayed for almost a year that the Lord would soften my daddy's heart and he would allow us to date. I have never wanted any other man... And I lay down beside him at the end of every day. His underwear on the ground and splashed water on the bathroom counter are not news worthy...

Grace...

The Lord has really taken me on a journey the past several years. I truly feel like I am being molded in every possible area at all times :) ... but I also feel like God has really zeroed in on the attitude of thankfulness. And I am so glad. I feel that by guiding me through changes in this area of my life, they have trickled down into the rest of my life...

I am grateful for my husband therefore I am more patient. I am grateful for our home therefore I am more content with my 7 year old, stain filled couch. I am grateful for my son, therefore I begin to see positives in his OCD tendencies. I am thankful for my daughters, therefore the fact that the Lord gifted me with 4 in just over 4 years is a dream come true. I am thankful for my bustling household, therefore folding laundry is not such a chore.

All I have been gifted with is grace....

I don't want to be unrealistic in my blog posts. I don't want to gush and not be authentic... And I have plenty of days I speak unkindly to my husband and lack patience with my kids and wonder if my laundry bin will ever be empty. But I am finding my heart so thankful many days, that the past 6 months(probably the hardest, most exhausting 6 months ever for our family) have been sweet. I stare at the identical faces of my precious 6 month old daughters and feel that they are such a gift - double dirty diapers and all!

I am learning to be thankful for the here and now. The ages my children are at, and not where they will be. Grateful for what my house looks like at this moment, not after we relandscape. Grateful for the exhausting days where my babies want their momma to hold them, because I know from experience that one day they won't.

Grace...

I'm not always very good at being thankful. On my best days , I smile through the dirty diapers and school and laundry. On good days, I remember to whisper to myself "it's all grace". On my most common days, I wish I had "grace" tattooed to my forehead to stare back at me every time I pass a mirror.

Grace is my favorite word. It's the middle name of my youngest baby :) - the one the Lord unexpectedly gifted us with. My 6 year old son often asks, "Mommy, are you showing us grace?" when I let them stay up late or buy a special treat. It sounds so trivial to think of a late night or an icee as grace, but that is the mindset that will change your life. When grace becomes the everyday and not just the miracles. When grace becomes common-place and not simply the extraordinary. When grace is a load of unfolded clothes because you have a drier.When grace is an empty gas tank because you have a car. When grace is a whiny child or fussy baby because  you prayed for years for children.

Try it. Think of it all as grace. I can promise you that you will find yourself more content and thankful then you have been in a very long time.

Grace: (1) favor or goodwill (2) mercy, clemency, pardon